9.14.2005

Put your fist in the air like I have mine

Put your fist WAY in the air. Now...

Ozomatli rocks hard washboard abs. If you like crazy mixes of just about every culture on Earth all through a hip-hop lense that is, then yes, they rock.

9.09.2005

It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times

"May he live in interesting times."

As far as ancient Chinese curses go - and you know how they go - this one has always struck me as particularly insidious. Upon first reading, one might be tempted to think to oneself "Hey, I like interesting things... and time is a thing!" But oh, what complete imbeciles you would be. Interesting things have a tendency of becoming crazy things. Crazy things have a tendency of becoming painful things. And painful things tend to be painful. And all that learning BS that people say you gain from painful things: that's just something parents tell their captious kids to pretend that their own childhoods weren't the sordid inimical clusterfucks that made them the destitute shells of humans they are today. Good times.

Interestingly enough: the above curse, believed first quoted by Robert F. Kennedy in 1966, doesn't really exist. Chinese historians have tried in earnest to validate such a sweet quote, but the closest they could come was a proverb that read "It's better to be a dog in a peaceful time that be a man in a chaotic period." Which if you think about it - really think about it - speaks to the greater truth about the spiritual trifecta of God, Man, and Dog.

So, life rolls on before me as I chase after pretending to have fun. I really can't complain; I am a very lucky dog. I would however like to ask those in charge of such matters, the custodians of fate, that if they can find it in themselves to go bother someone else for a while, I'd greatly appreciate it. Thanks, and I love what you've done with the place.

9.03.2005

Hypnosis... (<--ellipsis!)


Lo, what the fear of imaginary mice can inspire!

So I've always dismissed hypnosis as at best para-psychology or at worst a cheap parlor trick. I've seen the light my friends - this shit is bananas - b.an.an.as.

Charlie and Melizard were kind enough to drag me to the fair so that I might see the "Hypnochick." Now, it's been years since I sold my double-wide during which time I worked very hard to get rid of my white-trash accent - so naturally, I was hesitant. Charlie and I both got picked to be on the stage, along with about 20 other people. I remember her starting to count down from 5... I remember 4... I remember 3... That’s about it. The next hour of my life is a mystery to me beyond some pics/vids that Lizard skillfully managed to capture for future blackmail. During 60 minutes, I apprently managed;

- to swan dive off the stage chasing a "greased pig"
- to spend upwards of 20 minutes FROZEN in fear of mice
- to be given the gift of hypnosis then promtly hitting a woman in the face trying to put her to sleep. After that, I put myself to sleep... in 'slo-mo'... very complicated
- be a Dixie Chick
- Loose my butt, which according to me subconscience "hurts." (My butt was replaced by Brad Pitts, so it all worked out in the end).

I can't tell you how strange a sensation it is to watch video of yourself acting like a complete jackass and have no goshdarn memory of it. Strangely, Charlie remembers everything. At the end of the show I left feeling better than I've felt in weeks, although I had managed to bruise and scrape every joint on my person. Good times.

So, now I'm a believer. Has anyone else ever been hypnotized? Do you believe in it?

I'll try to get some of the video up here if the gremlins and leprechauns that inhabit my computer can stop warring long enough to make some magic happen.